That’s what I said to Frank this morning. Each day now for a few months we’ve said that upon wakening. I can feel the warmth of the sun coming through the living room picture window and it feels so good.
Frank mostly sleeps now, I administer his morphine on a regular schedule via an oral liquid method rather than a pill because it’s easier to take that way, I will be increasing the dosage as needed. I also had the nurse put in a catheter yesterday so that there’s less movement for him, movement that even with medication sometimes causes pain. I want him to be as stress free as possible. At the very least he must have that.
We’ve had a number of visitors over the last week and I thank every single one of you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to visit. I know how important it is to you as a friend or family member to have that time with Frank and I know somewhere inside him he knows you’re there and loves you for coming.
However, it’s becoming more and more clear that even having two people at a time in the room can sometimes be disturbing for him. I had established a schedule the other day for visiting but am changing it again. It will be determined on a day-to-day basis and there may be days that I won’t allow anyone here. In fact, today will be only Frank and I. Call me selfish, call me whatever you like – it doesn’t matter because Frank is number one on this journey to his new life. In my opinion it is critically important to keep him calm and at peace at this point – I know he knows when I’m here and calms down almost instantly when I talk to him, I want to keep that level of comfort going.
I want to spend time with him by myself now, not worrying about homework or bills or other trivial details. Instead just talking quietly about our vacations and wonderful times we’ve had together, his love for the outdoors and campfires, his sense of humor, his fantastic and loving friends, and of course, how much I love him.
I know some people are worried about me and how I’m handling everything. I won’t be alone starting this evening, one of our very dear friends will be staying for a while with us.
Know that I love you all and will notify those who need to know what’s happening via email initially and then via phone as we near the next phase of his life.