That’s how things are going with regards to TB feeling better since the last post, little by little he is improving. Since then I’ve gotten him to eat toast, ginger ale, bananas, cold cereal and even a fresh croissant from Patrick’s Bakery. Certainly not all at once, but you get the picture. He stays up to watch a little TV, reads the newspaper and sits in the garage (his turf) to listen to the radio. When I think back to even just Monday – at that time I could only HOPE that he would feel better this quickly. I was even starting to think about how to get our deposits back on the reservations we’d made for our trip up north but now it appears I don’t have to. He still hasn’t taken anymore chemo meds (the Sutent is the only one he could, if he were to) and we haven’t talked to his oncologist – he’s on vacation. And we certainly don’t want to talk to that on-call doctor again, either. For now it’s really just getting through the reaction of the meds leaving his system and he’s not interested in talking to the doctor now anyway. Neither am I.
He’s still mighty tired. On Wednesday we were going to go get his Rx for his pain medication from the clinic, then go get his glasses, then drop off the Rx on the way back home. We never did get the glasses that day, he said he was too tired. So after just getting the Rx and coming home, he was exhausted and slept for a solid five hours. Yesterday, he somehow found the energy to go get his glasses. That did tucker him out a bit but not like the day before. When he got back he didn’t take a nap right away – I got him to eat a banana and a nutrition drink first, plus he read the paper. When he did nap, it was only about 2 hours, then he got up and watched TV with me and actually stayed up until 10:30. He’s getting into the Chelsea Lately show, it has quirky humor so it definitely suits him. And if it makes him laugh?? I’m all for it.
I had breakfast with a good friend of mine yesterday morning, BW, and it was amazingly cathartic. He’s been through the cancer process with his partner and so is very familiar with my feelings and reactions to certain situations as well as how TB sometimes reacts to things. He was aghast that the oncologist never gave us the anti-puking Rx ahead of time, to use if needed. TB’s former wife said the same thing, we should have had that on hand, just in case.
Another thing we talked about was dying, specifically, is TB afraid of dying? I thought that was a good question and my answer to BW was that I don’t know for sure but my best guess is that he wouldn’t be afraid of dying so much as pissed off that the cancer didn’t come when he’s older. I already know he’s ticked that it didn’t come 10 years from now, hence my response.
Last weekend TB had told me that he must be the biggest disappointment I’ve ever had in my life. When I told BW this at breakfast, he knew exactly what that felt like hearing it because his partner did something very similar. I never took it seriously because TB was in pain, he was pissed, he was (and still is) sick of being sick. And he doesn’t like being taken care of (typical male, maybe?). Has to be the one to have all the answers. So I think it’s hard for him to accept help from me, though he’s getting used to it, and that’s why he said that. Either way, I’ve told him that we’re both such odd ducks that we’re the only ones who could deal with us, so he’s stuck with me.
I’m just so glad that I’m not working right now. To think of him being home like this while I’d be at work just tears at my heart. Speaking of work, the old job, that is. I found out from BW that guess what?? The areas we – the now unemployed – supported in the company still haven’t gotten it together in terms of having the outsourced employees do everything we did, which is why we were laid off, the responsibilities were going to India. They’re actually trying to post positions that have a surprisingly similar job description we had but no, no, no, they tell HR, they’re not the same. Doesn’t sound like they’re being too successful and therefore, others are being overworked. Huh. Go figure. I told BW that even if they offered me twice my former salary, I wouldn’t go back. I’m done with that and so is TB. He’s been through all that stress with me and who needs it anyway? I’m looking forward to our future.
TB just got up and has a great idea. He couldn’t sleep and so was doing a lot of thinking. He’s suggested that while we’re up north this coming week, we should try to find a cabin to stay at for a few days the week before I go back to school. Once I’m back in school I’ll be going four out of five days so we won’t have this opportunity for awhile so I like that idea. I think I’ll go do a little preliminary checking online now to see what I might find for us to look at up there.