Archive for February, 2009

13
Feb
09

Friday The Thirteenth Is Not Bad

I will admit I’ve purposely not been blogging. Partly because I sometimes feel like I shouldn’t be complaining or whining when so many other people are in worse shape then TB, even he’s said that about himself. Granted his cancer is terminal, but right now we’re holding steady (remember, he is not in remission and never can be) and hopefully on the 24th we’ll find out we’re still holding steady. He has a full body bone scan and a CT scan on the 17th, to see how things are going and we’ll compare to the scans done on December 26th.

I’ve also not been blogging much because I don’t feel like talking about it sometimes. I even get a little mad at him sometimes for him being irritable from treatment or his leg hurts – I don’t say anything to him about it though. Right or wrong, that’s how I feel. Then I feel bad because I felt mad at someone who has terminal cancer. God – talk about a vicious circle.

I do have news about the surgery the orthopedic surgeon wanted to do on his femur. He and our oncologist FINALLY talked and now the surgeon understands why we weren’t just jumping all over that bandwagon, we knew it could kill him. So the consensus is that TB will not have the surgery until or unless the pain gets so bad that we have no choice. That’s why Friday the 13th is not bad. 🙂

TB will start taking some medication on a fairly regular basis because his phosphorous levels are goofy and he will need to have a Zometa (bone treatment, half hour long drip) fairly regularly as well. The meds for the phosphorous don’t affect him physically at all but we really don’t like what the Zometa does. Though at least now we know what to expect with Zometa so I guess that’s okay.

I wish everyone a wonderful Valentine’s Day tomorrow!

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I Will Love Him Forever

The love of my life passed away peacefully on February 28, 2010. The fight he put up through this tough journey is truly commendable.

Though I am sad at his passing, I am so grateful for the time I had with him, our families and our friends. The memories of our times together will sustain me forever.

I think this quote, shared with me by a loving cousin, sums up how I feel.

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." - Dr. Seuss

My Cancer Hat

I'm a person who hates wearing hats, both literally and figuratively. Now I will be wearing a caregivers cancer hat because my husband has cancer and I need to be strong for him. But I also need a place to vent, look for support and find strength.

Hopefully, this blog will enable me to deal with the process and meet others who are going through a similar challenge.

TB’s Cancer

TB, my husband (TB is his nickname), has kidney cancer, stage 4. He had a kidney and the tumor that was in it removed in 2005. We discovered in September 2008 that it had returned and has now metastasized to his bones, specifically his right femur plus spots on his skull, his spine and his ribs, the inside and outside of his lungs, his brain. He is not curable.

TB was originally participating in a clinical study that would provide him with a treatment that would halt, for an unknown length of time, the proteins from getting to the cancer cells. So in essence, slowing but not curing, the progression of the cancer. There is no question he will die from this, the unknown factor is the 'when' it will happen.

Unfortunately, TB had to be removed from the study as the metastases have grown. He was placed on a new regimen of Aerida and Sutent but that didn't work out. It made him too ill. Now he's on a daily regimen of Afinitor - "Plan C" as we call it. Basically, we're working to extend his life but in a manner that will allow him to still enjoy it and maintain his dignity.

1/27/2010 - At the suggestion of our oncologist, TB will no longer take any cancer medications as the benefits do not outweigh the possible negative side effects a new medication would have. He will be transferred soon to a facility where he can receive rehab, as he is extremely weak due to the pneumonia and inactivity. Our goal is to improve his quality of life as best we can.

2/21/2010 - Frank is now home, we've begun hospice care.

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